Fun with Razors

Bamsama World Tour

2004-10-22T03:57:31Z

I leave Monday to go to North Carolina, with a 5 hour layover in New York City.

I'm so stoked. I've never been further east than Utah before. I'm excited.

It's for a good cause!

2004-10-05T01:26:47Z

http://members.cox.net/jahaskett/ps2.html

I just want to see if this will work. $14 bucks so far, keep the love a-comin!

Paroxysm

2004-10-02T13:55:54Z

When being awake feels like being on fire, what do you do?

So tired.

2004-10-01T06:27:20Z

I'm tired.

I'm tired of pissing Heather off and risking my relationship. I'm tired of being jealous that Heather has guy friends, even tho she tells me there's no chance she'll cheat on me. I'm tired of letting my insecurities take control of me.

I'm tired of wanting money. Even though I'm fairly certain I'm getting this job with Caremark, I'm tired of not working, and tired of waiting to work.

I should sleep.

I love Doom 3.

2004-09-03T19:17:58Z

SpecialAgentMarc: I played Doom 3 for about.. a week
SpecialAgentMarc: It pisses me off
iamdesertpower: too easy?
SpecialAgentMarc: It's the future, in a space station
SpecialAgentMarc: AND THEY CAN'T PUT A GODDAMN FLASHLIGHT ON THE GUN?
iamdesertpower: lol
SpecialAgentMarc: that one aspect of the game annoys me to hte point where id ont wanna play anymore
iamdesertpower: better yet, you cant hold a gun and a flashlite at the same time?
SpecialAgentMarc: well that i can understand.. need two hands
SpecialAgentMarc: but you'd think a machine gun with like, a display screen and high tech shit
SpecialAgentMarc: would have a light attached to the barrel
iamdesertpower: lol
iamdesertpower: yeah
SpecialAgentMarc: I played the game on a high setting, so you walk into a pitch black room, switch to flashlight, and 3 zombie are already hitting you
SpecialAgentMarc: so i have to run away while switching to a gun and turn around and shoot
SpecialAgentMarc: got gay
iamdesertpower: lol

:)

2004-09-02T09:12:02Z

Went to Projekt Revolution last night. Was alot of fun.

Only regret is that we got there late and I only caught Snoop Dogg's last song. :(

Heather's staying the night. I'm listening to her snoring, sleeping away in ignorance to the fact that she's hogging the entire bed (2 adults on a twin blows) and as a result I can't sleep.

Maybe I'll go watch some TV.

Lost? Forgotton? I sure hope I'm not.

2004-07-13T02:30:34Z

I find myself praying on an hourly basis that I don't lose Heather. She means so much to me that often it's too much to handle, but so worth it. She's upset over the fact that I don't have a fulltime 40-hours-a-week job. I can't say I blame her.

Heather is my princess, and like every princess, she needs a prince and a kingdom. I want to be that prince, and I want us to move in together so we have a kingdom. These things require money. Money that this part time security bullshit cannot provide.

I want to work. I want a job. I bust my ass everyday looking for a job. There has to be something I'm doing wrong, or I would have ten jobs by now. I'm scared.

On a brighter note, I think I might have a job with a locksmith company right down the street. I saw their "Help Wanted" sign in the window as I walked past it on my way home from the bus stop, and I went in. After applying and interviewing with some old grizzled gent for about an hour, he tells me, and I quote: "Come in next monday and I'll show you how everything is done."

I'm hoping this means what I think it means and I have a job. If not, I may lose Heather for good, and I've never felt more certain about loving anyone before until I met her.

Help.

2004-07-11T09:20:35Z

I never seem to understand...
The time, the place and who I am...
Define a way to stay alive...
It's like I'm living a lie...

Sometimes it feels like life is a joke, and I'm some punchline no one laughs at...

2004-07-08T01:53:54Z

I need a job. I have the Staff job, but let's face it - it's crap. They've let me work one day so far (Warped Tour was great, btw) and I need something more dependable than that.

On another note, my lack of real employment is going to cause me to lose my girlfriend. Can't say I'm surprised. I've been asking myself "If I were in her shoes, would I stay with me?" The answer is no.

This leaves me with a crossroads. I can either try harder, and find a job, and hope things work out... or I can lose her, and be miserable over the fact I've lost one of the best things that's ever happened to me. I want to keep her, so I'm going to try.

Aside from these issues, life's been ok. I'm healthy, I've had an alright disposition, and my sunburn is gone (Damn you, EStaff!).

At least I still have my looks :P

With this journal entry finished, I'm off to map out a path to different staffing agencies from my house in hopes that tomorrow I find a real job. I need this for so many reasons, most of all my sanity and my children.

Cloud Connected

2004-06-24T11:17:16Z

Goddamn, I love In Flames.

I don't know what it is about it, but this band totally fills me with energy. Makes me want to run, or punch someone, I love it.

Yay or Nay, I don't know...

2004-06-19T09:58:32Z

It's official. I am a drone for Estaff.

First show I'll be working is the Warped Tour on the 30th. I really hope they don't put me on barricade, I'm more suited for something like watching a gate for 8 hours.

w00t.

2004-06-15T05:57:40Z

Got hired somewhere today, doing concert security, and finally saw the 3rd Lord of the Rings movie. Yay.

Nerdness

2004-06-11T03:57:25Z

According to http://www.co.jyu.fi/~np/rpg/abilities.html , if I were an AD&D character my stats would be:

Strength 7
Dexterity 10
Constitution 8
Intelligence 16
Wisdom 10
Charisma 12

Oh yay.

Ooh

2004-06-08T19:37:34Z

Kakashi and Sasuke contact lenses? 200 bucks? I am so there.

http://www.9mmsfx.com/lenses.html

Bleh.

2004-06-07T23:31:10Z

Got a new haircut the night before last. I want to grow my hair out, but I get impatient and fed up with that middle stage between short and long, when hair looks it's worst. On the bright side, shorter hair makes me look younger, and since I tire of people assuming I'm late 20-early 30s, I'm very happy about this.

My forehead is covered in scratches for a reason I won't discuss here. It looks like 7 or 8 rabid cats tried to perform a gangrape on my face. When I sweat, it burns so bad my head throbs. People keep asking me if I got into a fight... the answer is yes. We'll leave it at that.

I've been playing alot of KOTOR lately. I like the game, but it's taking my concentration away from other, more important things (i.e. life). I'll beat it soon, and return to the world of the living.

Other than that, no big news, nothing important to add.

Fail Fail Fail

2004-06-03T03:17:54Z

Against the grain, against the odds, I’ll rise and I won’t trip again.

Mostly Harmless

2004-06-01T17:13:39Z

Sunday I got my children for the day. I was amazed and bewildered by how good they were for me. Heather didn't get a chance to come over until well after the kids had left that night.

She came over Sunday night and we went to my sister's to watch a very good screen rip of Shrek 2. Afterwards, we both came back to my house and she stayed the night.

The next morning (yesterday morning), Rhonda asked if I would watch the kids while she finished moving into her new apartment. She assured me I wouldn't have them for very long, not as long as I do on sundays at least, and she would pay me for cancelling my plans for the day.

I ended up having the kids for 8 hours, and she gave me 5 bucks. Yay.

Don't get me wrong, I love watching my kids. I, however, hate being taken advantage of.

My not having a job is really taking it's toll on my relationship, and I am expecting Heather to give me some sort of ultimatum very soon. I deserve it.

I'm hoping shit gets better really soon.

This Last Weekend

2004-05-30T19:58:17Z

I stayed the night at Heather's parent's house friday night. Wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. It gave her parents a chance to get to know me better, and vise versa. I bullshitted with her mom most of saturday, and played everquest with her dad. All in all a good time.

Me and Heather got into it last night, mostly because of her ex-husband and the "I want you back" bullshit he's pulling. I personally have no problem with the guy, other than the fact he's a lying, manipulating, moronic loser. I just have this ghastly fear that his crap is going to work, and I'm going to lose Heather.

Heather assures me this won't happen, and that she's mine for life.

How many times have I heard this before?

Brian gets a job; and my legs hurt.

2004-05-27T20:17:21Z

My legs ache. Bad. Spent the last week walking, all day, each day, in persuit of a job. Each day I roughly covered a 4 mile area. I sure could use a hottub right about now...

Found out today my nephew Brian got a job. Working Concert Security. 8 bucks an hour, better than nothing. Maybe I should go apply there.

I miss Heather, and hope I can see her soon.

A New Beginning...

2004-05-26T23:59:06Z

My last journal had a lot of memories I'd sooner forget. So, I've created this one, to start over new, and maybe do it right this time.